Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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