Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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