Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
