we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he fucked my hip out of place.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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