Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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