I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
