I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
