at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
