i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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