God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
