Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize