11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Randomize
