I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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