yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize