he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
