She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
