She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize