i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
