Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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