like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
