i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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