Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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