It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
