We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
