we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
