girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
