Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love having hate sex.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
