anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
