someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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