last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You made out with two different species that night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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