Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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