People in love make me want to vomit
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
