Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize