he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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