i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
