My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
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