so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
