I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You've changed since you got that strap on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
