i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize