Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
