Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
