tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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