i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
