do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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