Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
