hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
