i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
