Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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