I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
