How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
