I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
time to smoke my breakfast
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
