I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
