oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
