It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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