I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
