OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize