guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
did i just pee glitter
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