Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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