she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
