No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
