Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish I could punch you in the face.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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