There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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