dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
