You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
