The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
