drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
