I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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