peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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