apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Its about making memories worth repressing
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
