someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
