I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
