I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
