They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
