I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
