he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
