I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
