We're like a lot better than the average bears
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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