Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
