I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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