Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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