Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
