I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
