apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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