i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
