I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
