Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize