Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
