Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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