What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
