Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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