grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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