i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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