If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
