oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
