Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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