I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
