i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
