dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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