I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
