3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
