he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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