well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
