You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
