I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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