so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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