never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
